what am i doing to this life huh?
why do i feel so aimless.
spending each days just playing games and lazy at home doing unproductive stuff.
if i can choose, i'd go out and walk around in the malls, meet people but all these spends money :(

what is there to look forward for now..
i'm sick of being like this.
i need the someone to be around, enthusiasm to meet that someone.
doing things for that someone, that i will feel worth it.

if you ever come back - the script

if its the fighting you remember, or the little things you missed
i know you're out there some where, just remember this,

if its the fighting you remember, or the little things you missed
i know you're out there some where, just remember this,
just remember this,

there will be a smile on my face,
if u ever come back now,
and it would be like you never gone.

wheres all my motivations.
i don't even go gym anymore. i don't study already.
what is going on.
what are the aims and targets in my daily life already?

back then i had gym to aim to make someone regret, but that revenge was gone.
then i had exams to focus on to make someone off my mind.
now what can i do?

mourn?

humans must have the tendency of hurting themself.
consciously or not, they tend to.
some chose to hurt themselves physically, some, are like me, love to hurt myself emotionally.
why do i keep dwelling in the past huh. knowingly it would hurt and yet i still go and look for it?

there's a particular chinese word for it.
fan jin.

in life there are many choices for you to make.
once you made a choice, you have to sacrifice the other options.
you can't have best of both worlds.
this is what i learned the hard way.

bullshits like balancing love life and social life.
i over estimated myself, i thought i would overcome the temptations.
i thought that it was too stable.
i thought that i lost the feelings, and i had move on. but it's not it.

i still had the feelings.
think about it, if there's no love, why is there so much small little details things that i do,
without hoping for return and also just hoping to see a smile.

i am not a person with bright ideas, or rich to get material stuff, or even the time to do something good.
but i always do things from what i can.

Separation

The hardest part of a relation is not the suffering in between,
nor the start of it.
it's the separation from it.

what used to be there, just disappear in a blink of an eye.
and knowing it won't come back anymore, it intensify the hurt.

Doubts? hell yeah i have them

I start to doubt, in myself for my own common sense and logical thinking, of how a relationship should be.
Due to the "theories" that someone told me of their own ideas of relationship. SO that means all the things i thought should be, is wrong! e.g finding every opportunities to tell each other stuff and mean it.

Or just that someone has their own special rare senses :S