mourn?

humans must have the tendency of hurting themself.
consciously or not, they tend to.
some chose to hurt themselves physically, some, are like me, love to hurt myself emotionally.
why do i keep dwelling in the past huh. knowingly it would hurt and yet i still go and look for it?

there's a particular chinese word for it.
fan jin.

in life there are many choices for you to make.
once you made a choice, you have to sacrifice the other options.
you can't have best of both worlds.
this is what i learned the hard way.

bullshits like balancing love life and social life.
i over estimated myself, i thought i would overcome the temptations.
i thought that it was too stable.
i thought that i lost the feelings, and i had move on. but it's not it.

i still had the feelings.
think about it, if there's no love, why is there so much small little details things that i do,
without hoping for return and also just hoping to see a smile.

i am not a person with bright ideas, or rich to get material stuff, or even the time to do something good.
but i always do things from what i can.

Separation

The hardest part of a relation is not the suffering in between,
nor the start of it.
it's the separation from it.

what used to be there, just disappear in a blink of an eye.
and knowing it won't come back anymore, it intensify the hurt.

Doubts? hell yeah i have them

I start to doubt, in myself for my own common sense and logical thinking, of how a relationship should be.
Due to the "theories" that someone told me of their own ideas of relationship. SO that means all the things i thought should be, is wrong! e.g finding every opportunities to tell each other stuff and mean it.

Or just that someone has their own special rare senses :S

Tsk, at this moment i miss all of you so much.
We used to study together, laugh together, make noise in the library together, till the dean or student tell us "this is a library! shhh"

now all different papers and classes.
different places.

i miss you all.

the only problem with people these days are, strangers are more supportive than your own friends would.
so question is, who is the real friend out there?

Naggings.

Listen to too much naggings lately.

they repeat like a song.

"wake up earlier!"
"study harder!"

"you don't study you'll fail for your exam and come back next seating"

==" i look like i don't a fuck meh?

i'm not the yaoming above XD

But it's true la.

over the course of time, i think it's time to be able to.
To be able to take responsible for others, one must start from himself.

so dream house, and car. here's the first step.

fuck this shit XD

i'm gonna study now